Fear Not Dear Frederick, We Are All Foolish

My new friend Freddie, who professes to be an incurable romantic asked me,

“Why can’t we keep the initial flame burning if we always love the same person; it’s not as if they really change.”

Well Fred, I believe love is infinitely, a fleeting ability.  The ability to love passionately can  never last.  Perhaps in other species but never in humans.  From the moment we feel passionate love, we begin to destroy it.  Unconsciously done maybe, but unavoidable, definitely.

Think of the moment we first encounter the target of our affections.  For a fleeting moment they’re perfect. What happens next; they open their mouths.  Or perhaps they light up a smoke, or walk imperfectly.  As we continue to fall for them, we are also destroying that first impression.  There are always lovely surprises along the way which keep us falling: they kiss well, they smell amazing, they have the same political views, or whatever turns us on.  But even those attributes become subjects of our internal debate.  Our muse has no knowledge of the destructive powers of our love , nor we their’s but the love is dying.

There are those lucky bastards who come to a comfortable place where death is avoided.  The love is still different but not dead.  The relationship becomes comfortable, contented, habitual,if you will.  I like to refer to those people as realist.  We all know a few realist.  They  stay married forever.  Their relationships are very friendly or they agree to stay together without “staying together.”  Of the couples I know who fall into this category, none are ideally happy, but none are completely miserable either.

Then there are people like you and me. This is the group I refer to as Impressionists.  Impressionists accept that passion is fleeting but we like the anticipation of it.  We love the impression of lust, animal attraction, and the total connection one can only feel for the person they truly want to be with in the following order:

  1. Mentally: impressionist tend to gravitate toward artist, great thinkers, or scientist.  once they’ve proven themselves worthy, it’s on in the bedroom.
  2. Physically: when two Impressionists find each other, the sex is amazing and will always be amazing.  Either party may come and go at anytime because they know the rest cannot last.  Even if they land in other relationships, they will unconsciously leave the door open to a possible return to the physical connection they have.
  3. Spiritually: the Impressionists will always seek this out in a mate.  We feel that the spiritual connection validates all the other feelings.

Frederick, all Impressionists must accept that the mental, physical, and spiritual in any human being, evolves, peaks, and eventually, fades.  The silver lining, and there is one; we have the most amazing journeys.  When you meet someone who you feel a connection with, fall hard I say.  Enjoy them for who they are and how they make you feel.  Have great sex.  When it ends, if you choose to end it (or they), wish them well.  Look forward to the next adventure.

We all seek passionate love, the kind that lasts forever.  But those of us who know better see the light at the end of a dimly lit tunnel and are ok with the notion that all lights flicker  but eventually become dim before they fade away.


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