In June of 2008 a friend of whom I was and am quite fond called to invite me to his wedding. It seemed that California had begun issuing licenses for same-sex unions and he and his partner were desperate to be one of the first couples to receive license. My dear friend, whom I shall call Randy was so excited about the wedding and confessed that he’d invited absolutely everyone he knew. After scolding him for making me the tenth person to be invited instead of the first I asked why they were marrying. After an awkward pause Randy ran off to me a list of all the things he thought he and his partner had been denied as a result of not being able to marry one another. Randy and I have been friends since 1997 and believing that I knew him as well as anyone, I couldn’t understand why he felt denied of anything. He was never one to accept “no” as an answer. One of Randy’s favorite sayings is, “If you can’t fight city hall, plague it with scandal and it will be too busy to worry about what you’re doing.”
I was not opportune to attend Randy’s wedding but had lunch with he and his husband a few months later. Over lunch we talked about the ceremony, the flowers, whose mom looked more trashy, you name it. After that we talked about kids and vacation and the economy. And then there was silence. I recalled some days later that we did not engage in our normal banter and sharing of the real “stuff” friends talk about. There was a sadness between them that was very obvious. I questioned Randy about it on the occasion of our next meeting. He said they’d hit a rough patch. He then began speaking about the arguments about money, the kids, too much time spent at work, and whose mom was the trashiest. Again I posed the question, “why did you two get married?”
In my mind, same-sex couples were the sane people. The had it all figured out. Their unions were choices made intelligently. Before anyone ever heard of Prop 8, same-sex couples chose to live and love. They balanced their finances and raised the kids together. Their lives were not dictated by the ridiculous demands of a society gone mad. Even when morons and the stupidly misguided protested their existence, same-sex couples said, “fuck you; we’re getting along just fine without your approval.” Why would a culture of individuals, who clearly loves, lives, and, let live by choice, want to be a part of something that causes two-thirds of the people who engage in it such pain and suffering. Not knowing the actual statistics, I believe same-sex relationships last a heck of a lot longer than most marriages with less stress. One could argue about the legal rights and benefits of being able to marry but to that I would say, weigh the pros and cons carefully. Being in a relationship because you want to be is far greater than being in a relationship because you’re legally required to. Perhaps heterosexuals should follow instead of lead.
As for Randy, he and his partner divorced last month. Randy has relocated to Baltimore; the kids are here as well. That is essentially why I hate Gay marriages. Now they are as wretched as the rest of us.